Of Musical Showdowns And Cherry Chapstick
by Quackers McPherson
Summary: Kurt's gaga for Gaga and Blaine's partial to Perry. How an argument escalates into a showdown and results in a newfound affinity for cherry chapstick.


**Haha! I finally finished this! Success. Seeing as it took me about an hour to get this damn formatter to work, I really feel like I deserve a friggin' cookie.**

**This is more or less an unofficial prequel to my other one shot, Shakespeare Abridged and Shameless Abuse of Emoticons. In it, there is a reference to Kurt's beloved cherry chapstick. This little piece explores how he got a hold of it, though it's not necessary to read it to understand the other story.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Of Musical Showdowns And Cherry Chapstick**

* * *

It started off as a regular conversation. A couple of days ago, Blaine, Kurt, Wes, and David were eating lunch in the cafeteria when the topic came up.

"Guess what? Lady Gaga is coming to Ohio! She's going to be in Dayton in a couple of months and I am _so_ excited," Kurt practically squealed, scooping up another bite of applesauce.

Blaine took a thoughtful bite of his sandwich.

"I'm not a fan. Now if it were Katy Perry…" he mused.

Kurt's jaw dropped, threatening to drip applesauce all over his navy blazer.

"How… how… you… how… what?" he stuttered, glaring at the senior boy.

"Kurt, you know how much Blaine loves Katy Perry. We hardly need to remind you of '_Teenage Dream'_…" Wes said, winking. "You didn't seem to mind her then."

"In fact, it looked like you rather enjoyed Katy Perry's message," David added.

"Something about putting your hands on Blaine in his skin tight jeans must have been appealing," Wes muttered loudly.

David snickered as Kurt flushed a violent red. Blaine, completely lost in thought, was unaffected.

"No, I just don't see it," Blaine concluded contemplatively, taking another bite. "Katy Perry is just better. Lady Gaga gives me the creeps, anyway."

Again, Kurt flushed. However, this time it was out of anger.

"How can you say that?" he asked emphatically. "Lady Gaga is a visionary! Her costumes speak out about being comfortable enough in you own skin that you can be, do, or wear anything. Her songs speak of independence and desire!"

Blaine's eyes steeled as they usually did before a fierce argument.

"No offense, but she strikes me as a cross between a prostitute and the Addams family. Her music, if you can call it that, reminds me of a sexually-repressed social outcast."

Wes and David were thoroughly enjoying the ongoing exchange. Blaine was rarely so blunt and belligerent except when talk turned to one of three topics: college football, Harry Potter, or music. More specifically, his beloved Katy Perry.

"I… I…" Kurt gaped, flabbergasted.

A melodious chime sounded to signify the end of the lunch period.

"Don't think this is over, Blaine," Kurt growled. "I won't stand for my idol to be insulted."

"Oh, it's on, Kurt. It's on," Blaine hissed back.

The two boys stormed off in opposite directions, both in the process of concocting an ingenious plan.

lll lll lll

Later that night, Kurt was studying in the library. His trigonometry book was propped open and sheets of paper were tumbling off the table in all directions as he struggled through his problem sets. He absentmindedly began humming the chorus to "Bad Romance", tapping his pencil to the beat as he zoned out.

"You know, I was going to help you through these until you insulted my ears…" a voice muttered, bringing him back from a very pleasing daydream.

Blaine's cool eyes hovered above him. The fire from lunch had apparently dwindled, enough that he felt comfortable baiting the younger boy.

"Your ears are more insulted when you subject them to other, more questionable, music," Kurt snapped back, an edge to his playful tone.

"I'd be hard-pressed to find more questionable music."

Blaine casually slid his hands in his pockets, withdrawing a folded sheet of paper. He tossed it to Kurt and waited for him to examine it. On it was a detailed comparison of Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. According to Blaine's 'research', Katy Perry came out on top in every conceivable category (except in the section "Negative Characteristics Performers Should Never Have"). Kurt crumpled the paper in disgust.

"You're pathetic. You can't accept that Lady Gaga is on the frontier of the performing arts, pushing boundaries and shocking the world with her talent!" Kurt spat, rage building.

"If by that you mean she's a talentless hack with an affinity for dressing like a necrophiliac… Katy Perry, on the other hand…"

"HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT KATY PERRY IS SUPERIOR TO LADY GAGA?" Kurt screamed, interrupting Blaine.

"IT'S THE COLD, HARD TRUTH, HUMMEL! ACCEPT IT!"

"BITE ME, EMERSON!"

"Whoa, whoa, let's not get violent. I haven't got my video camera!" Wes said, appearing from behind a row of shelves.

"Please remember, gentlemen, that we are in a library. So kindly shut the hell up," David added, stepping out beside Wes.

The two quarreling boys glared daggers at each other, barely acknowledging the presence of their friends.

"Hey… HEY! Ren! Stimpy!" Wes shouted.

The boys turned.

"All right, I know how to fix this."

Wes paused for dramatic effect, shooting a glance at a smiling David.

"We're going to have a showdown. You'll each put on a show featuring a song by your preferred artist. Best performance wins the argument. Anything goes. Since tomorrow is Friday, Kurt can go on after dinner. Blaine, you'll go Saturday afternoon. Any questions?"

The two boys look from their friends to each other and back again. A curt nod from Blaine and a mischievous smile from Kurt signaled to Wes that his idea was a success.

lll lll lll

Wes had managed to rustle up quite an audience in the senior commons with only a half day's notice. Not only were a majority of the Warblers present, but a decent sampling of the rest of the student body as well. A row of chairs were set up for Wes, David, Blaine, and a few others Wes elected to assist in judging.

Blaine stretched out in his chair, waiting for Kurt to arrive. He wasn't terribly nervous because he was confident his song selection, coupled with an impeccable performance, would bag him the win. There were few things Blaine loved more than victory.

His poise faltered when Kurt entered the room. The boy was dressed in a skintight, silver costume with spiked shoulder pads, a white wig, sheer, slivery leggings, and bulky, glittering heels. He all but swaggered up to Blaine, turned to the person manning the boom box, and nodded. He positioned himself in the middle of the room, facing away from the audience.

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

Kurt turned, slowly stalking toward Blaine as he sang. He never broke eye contact with the senior boy in front of him.

_I want your ugly  
I want your disease  
I want your everything  
As long as it's free  
I want your love  
Love-love-love  
I want your love_

Kurt leaned in for that last light, singing directly in Blaine's ear. He pulled back slightly, grabbing Blaine's calloused hand in preparation for the next verse.

_I want your drama  
The touch of your hand  
I want you leather-studded kiss in the sand  
And I want your love  
Love-love-love  
I want your love  
Love-love-love  
I want your love _

_You know that I want you_  
_And you know that I need you_  
_I want it bad, bad romance_

Blaine could only classify the look Kurt was giving his as seductive and painfully lusty. It took all of his self-control to remain seated with a neutral expression plastered on his face.

_I want your love  
And I want your revenge  
You and me could write a bad romance  
I want your love and  
All your love is revenge  
You and me could write a bad romance  
_

Kurt backed off and danced off toward the center again, giving Blaine room to breathe. He took the opportunity to look around. Based on their reactions, his peers were enjoying Kurt's performance. A twinge of jealousy shook his body. He ignored it and redirected his attention to the boy in front of him.

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!  
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!  
Caught in a bad romance _

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_  
_Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!_  
_Want your bad romance_

_I want your horror_  
_I want your design_  
_'Cause you're a criminal_  
_As long as your mine_  
_I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_

_I want your psycho_  
_Your vertical stick_  
_Want you in my rear window_  
_'Cause baby you're sick_  
_I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_  
_Love-love-love_  
_I want your love_

Kurt had not only moved in closer than before, but he was also dancing in a manner that was extremely provocative. Blaine found the small portion of his brain that could still function wondering how Kurt learned to dance like that. For such an innocent boy, he could certainly put on a show._  
_

_You know that I want you  
And you know that I need you  
I want it bad, bad romance _

_I want your love_  
_And I want your revenge_  
_You and me could write a bad romance_  
_I want your love and_  
_All your love is revenge_  
_You and me could write a bad romance_

Though sufficiently distracted, there was a rapidly growing part of Blaine that wanted to spin around and make sure there weren't any other gay students in attendance that could be enjoying Kurt's show as much as he was. The twinge of jealousy had adopted an air of possessiveness. _  
_

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!  
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!  
Caught in a bad romance __Roma-Roma-ma-ah!  
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!  
Want your bad romance __Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!  
Want your bad romance _

_Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!_  
_Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!_  
_Caught in a bad romance_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_

_Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!_  
_Roma-Roma-ma-ah!_

_Walk, walk fashion baby_  
_Work it_  
_Move that thing crazy_  
_Walk, walk fashion baby_  
_Work it_  
_Move that thing crazy_  
_Walk, walk fashion baby_  
_Work it_  
_Move that thing crazy_  
_Walk, walk fashion baby_  
_Work it_  
_I'mma freak baby_

Kurt slapped his thigh on the last line, spinning away from the front row of spectators. Blaine unconsciously moved forward and, at that moment, his hormones were screaming for physical contact.

Blinking the haze of lust out of his eyes, Blaine put the pieces together. Kurt was acting this way on purpose to evoke this exact reaction. If Kurt could make him desperate enough, Blaine would concede if it meant he could kiss the boy. Although Blaine admired the boy's ruthless and manipulative side, he, too, could play this game.

A smirk played across his face as Kurt finished the performance, ending in the center where he started. Gracing him with a sly smile, Kurt strode out of the senior commons amidst a roar of applause.

Wes clapped him on the back.

"You've got one hell of an act to follow!"

So they thought. If Kurt wanted to play _dirty_, Blaine would play _dirty_.

lll lll lll

The laidback atmosphere of a Dalton Saturday was shattered as news of the showdown spread. Curiosity was at an all-time high after Kurt's performance, especially since the featured star in this round would be the school's strongest vocal lead. People claimed the precious space in the senior commons early, camping out until the afternoon show.

Blaine, having set up the second half of his plan last night, was confident in his ability to win. Thus, when the designated time slot rolled around, he sauntered into the room in a pair of loose jeans and a form fitting Nintendo t-shirt without any added pomp and circumstance.

He winked at Kurt, who was sitting in the front row in one of his designer outfits, leg crossed over his knee and looking impassive, before nodding to the tech manning the stereo.

_This was never the way I planned  
__Not my intention  
__I got so brave, drink in hand  
__Lost my discretion  
__It's not what I'm used to  
__Just wanna try you on  
__I'm curious for you  
__Caught my attention_

Blaine started softly, easing into the song as he let his song selection sink in. He gestured to Kurt when the lyrics were appropriate as he prepared to move into the first chorus. A couple of guys hovering in the back were elbowing each other, whispering and laughing at the ironic choice of songs. _  
_

_I kissed a boy and I liked it  
__The taste of his cherry chapstick  
__I kissed a boy just to try it  
__I hope my girlfriend don't mind it  
__It felt so wrong  
__It felt so right  
__Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
__I kissed a boy and I liked it  
__I liked it_

Blaine closed the distance between him and Kurt, a growl in his voice as he sung about the wrongness of the suggested action. He cupped Kurt's tender cheek, letting his fingertips trace the boy's jaw as he pulled away.

_No, I don't even know your name  
__It doesn't even matter  
__You're my experimental game  
__Just human nature  
__It's not what  
__Good boys do  
__Not how they should behave  
__My head gets so confused  
__Hard to obey  
__  
__I kissed a boy and I liked it  
__The taste of his cherry chapstick  
__I kissed a boy just to try it  
__I hope my girlfriend don't mind it  
__It felt so wrong  
__It felt so right  
__Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
__I kissed a boy and I liked it  
__I liked it_

The second chorus saw Blaine take a different tactic. He approached a boy on the outskirts of the makeshift stage. The shaggy blonde-haired, brown-eyed beauty was another openly gay student with which Blaine was friends with. The boy, Aaron, winked conspiratorially as Blaine advanced. Blaine put his hands on Aaron's chest, running his palms down the other boy's pectoral muscles. At the mention of the girlfriend, Blaine turned and looked at Kurt.

Kurt had lost his poker face. His eyes were wide and his lips were slightly open. Blaine grinned and returned his attention to Aaron as he finished the chorus with a peck on the cheek.

_Us boys we are so magical  
__Soft skin, red lips, so kissable  
__Hard to resist, so touchable  
__Too good to deny it  
__It ain't no big deal, it's innocent_

Blaine stalked toward Kurt, exaggerating the swing in his hips. His hands found Kurt's face, running his fingertips over Kurt's supple lips when the lyrics said as much. A primitive, guttural growl escaped Blaine's lips as the song told of touchable skin that was much too good to deny. Blaine could barely contain a grin as he saw Kurt shudder and suppress a moan of objection as Blaine walked away on the last line.

_I kissed a boy and I liked it  
__The taste of his cherry chapstick  
__I kissed a boy just to try it  
__I hope my girlfriend don't mind it  
__It felt so wrong  
__It felt so right  
__Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
__I kissed a boy and I liked it  
__I liked it_

Blaine ended energetically, eyes locked onto Kurt's. The boy's façade had been broken and he looked uncomfortable. Blaine beamed as thunderous applause met his ears, but his joy was from the knowledge he'd won.

Neither boy acknowledged Wes as he addressed the crowd on the voting procedure or when he instructed them to return in ten minutes. Wordlessly, Kurt disappeared to his dorm room as did Blaine. However, as Kurt unlocked the door to his room, he noticed someone had broken in.

Every visible surface was covered with tubes of cherry chapstick. From his desk, to his bed, to his book bag, to his pillowcases, to the inside of his shoes, he would spend the next week and a half discovering new places that chapstick could be hidden.

lll lll lll

Blaine ignored all of the text messages assaulting his phone. Wes was eager to share the results of his little experiment, but Blaine couldn't care less. He was waiting for a very specific message. He wasn't kept waiting long.

Fifteen minutes after the end of the showdown, Blaine's phone buzzed with a text.

"From: Kurt Hummel  
_Damn._"

And Blaine smiled because he knew that that expletive meant victory. The argument won had nothing to do with about which artist was more deserving of love and affection. Thanks to Wes and his need to get involved, the challenge had morphed into a one-up competition. Kurt and his costume and his seductive moves had been a tough contender, but Blaine had seductive moves of his own that gave Kurt a run for his money.

At the end of the day, 734 tubes of cherry chapstick had made all the difference.


End file.
